Hello🌻

I just finished reading a brilliant Japanese book called “The manual for dealing with your wife” It is written by a Japanese female artificial intelligence researcher. She writes how a husband can deal with his wife based on her scientific studies. Very interesting.

One thing she talks about is ’empathy’. Men tend to offer a solution or an advice when women tell him her problem. Instead, he should just emphasize with her because she is not looking for a solution. It is just plain annoying if he tries to give an advice, and she will just get angry.

This book is so right!! I love talking to my girlfriends because they always emphasize with me✨

If I say “I bought a nice skirt from Zara yesterday”, my girlfriend will say “Oh nice! What is it like? I love Zara too. They have such lovely clothes”

If I say “My husband did this & that…. he is so annoying”, my girlfriend will say “oh, I know I know, mine is exactly the same. So annoying when he does that!!”

So much empathy💕 Don’t we just love it??

After giving birth to a baby, a woman can go through really tough time. Yes, we need a lot of empathy then especially since it is not easy to meet up with girlfriends when you have a small baby. Who can empathize with you if you can’t see your girlfriends….I guess your husband.

My husband used to try giving me an advice whenever I complained about something. When my daughter was very small (maybe 1 or 2 months old), I shouted at him “Stop giving me an advice! I just need you to listen to me. What I need is empathy, not your stupid advice”

He got the point then.

Later he told me that he was trying to help by coming up with a solution. I guess that is how men’s mind work.

Now my children are teenagers, I can meet my girlfriends easily and bitch about things, so I don’t need my husband to emphasize with me all the time.

After all, women love empathy and we have been doing it all our lives, so we are pro at it. It is much nicer to have my girlfriends emphasize with me than my husband pretending that he understands. So that is ok. We all become more realistic and that’s how we manage to keep our marriage going😉

But then, if you are going to been a dad soon, make sure that you emphasize with your wife especially after giving birth. She really needs that. If you don’t, she will hold grudges for a very very long time😕However, if you give a lot of empathy then, she will remember that for a very very long time too😘

If your wife doesn’t have many girlfriends she can bitch with, then I guess you will need to take up a role as an emphasizer (is there such a word? anyway…)

If your wife has a lot of girlfriends she can bitch with, you are lucky. You just need to emphasize here & there and give her a nice hug ( & a nice present alongside it 🎁) She will love you for that.

Marriage is a mystery. What is the trick to keep it going….. I really don’t know….

Hinata💫

Hello🌻

My husband is English. Very English, I think.

I didn’t know any English guys until I met him. The images I had against English men were:

1. They are gentlemen
2. They like drinking tea
3. They play tennis
4. They like eating potatoes
5. They speak like the queen
6. They say “how do you do?” when they introduce themselves

or

1. They are punks with spiky hairs and live in a scary area called Camden.

Not all these were true, and my husband isn’t (&wasn’t) a punk.

My husband is tactful when he speaks to people. In some ways, that is similar to how we are in Japan. But one thing really surprised me was that he was like that even to his family. They are so polite to each other. They never slag off one another or fight. They seem to try their best not to offend each other. He is quite often like that with me too.

When I was around 40, I thought I wanted to have a third child🍼 so I told my husband that.

He held my hand and said “Hinata, I’m so happy with how everything is… We don’t need to change anything 💕”

The next day, I told my non-English friends about this. One of them said “This is exactly how my English nanny speaks. Your husband doesn’t want a third child, but didn’t want to offend you.”

I went to my English friend to confirm this, and she said “What he means is –No WAY I want the third one! Are you crazy???– This is how we speak, Haven’t you learnt yet?”

The topic of having the third one never came up after that. I guess I wan’t that bothered. If I was, I would have tried to convince him.

Anyway, this is how he speaks. Very tactful.

I don’t know if all English guys are like that, but in general, they are all pretty nice 😉

My samurai life in London💫

Hinata